Thursday, September 13, 2018

Catnaps, Cream & Cardboard

Hello, Mrs Hudson here. I hope you have had a great week, and are ready for another delve into Erin's literary archive?

This week I am joining Brian's Thankful Thursday Hop. This week I am thankful because my glass of sherry  is half full, and not empty. Positive thought is really good I have learnt... better still is to remember to put the stopper back in the sherry so it doesn't evaporate so quickly!

Anyway, this week the weather here in Upper Much-Mousing has taken a turn and we are heading into winter, having seemingly missed autumn! I'm guessing Autumn got a cheap last minute flight and holiday in Barbados!

Anyway, I am proud to introduce Erin's fourth post from 15th February 2015. That week Erin seemed to be having some 'computer issues' and was dealing with a few inner and outer demons!

Now it happens to be raining as I type this, so it seems like just the right moment to light the fire, pull up a chair and enjoy a warming cup of cocoa, and settle in to this next look at life for a princess trying to make her way in the blogging world! 

Catnaps, Cream & Cardboard

Being a Cat does sort of exempt me from the financial running of my new home, mainly as I don't get wages or pocket money to buy anything. This, in turn, is based on (a) my near disastrous foray up the Amazon with some spiders and a Pal who Pays (see previous chapter), (b) not having pockets and (c) me not needing money, being a Princess and all, leastways that's what the peep says! So, all in all, I rely on my human staff, the peep, to sort out the essential comestibles, wood, coal, and paper for my lap-pot (that's the paper for the lap-pot and not the wood or coal!) Paper, I hear you say, what paper would that be then? Why this here paper, the paper that I write my blog on of course. Leastways that's what I thought.

   Now soon after finishing the first page of this here blog (or indeed that there blog, dependent on where you're reading this from) I was reviewing the page and pondering the meaning of fish when out popped my blog from this box on my desk. Yep popped right out it did, with a whirring and a squeaking and flashing lights (and I swear a spark too) directly onto my paw! Well, I've got to admit I was somewhat surprised I can tell you, never thinking that in addition to doing my blog being on the web, I would be in print so quickly too. I'd not even sorted out pictures for the back cover let alone a publisher!

   Buoyed by this prompt service, I drafted another page, pawed the ENTER button and sat back to see what would happen. Well, after 36 winks (Mama always taught us to count correctly, in nines) nothing had come from the box on my desk, not a dickybird or even the smallest dickymouse, and I would definitely have noticed a dickymouse, for sure.

  No matter how many times I pawed ENTER, and I did it quite a few, nothing came out of that there little box, not even a squeak. It did strike me at that point that the ENTER key would really be better called the OUT key, given that things should come out when you use it. This I thought is clearly was another matter that Miss Description needed to look at, and maybe if she had time, she could find my missing blog too!

   Sitting back for a moment, it occurred to me that the lap-pot may be clogged up, or worse still, broken! Now as Miss Description wasn't about to drop in for a cream tea anytime soon, something had to be done, or my burgeoning career (not to mention cream ration) would be cut short for sure! Galvanised, and I don't recommend actually doing that to yourself as plays havoc on the fur, I popped open the little draw on the side of the lap pot and managed to claw out the round silvery mug mat that peep insists on leaving in there. A quick peek inside revealed no crumpled paper or heaps of old webs from my surfing, just some neat little lights, a few hairs and some crumbs from my last snack, salmon by the taste of them.

   Duly flummoxed (who I think is a friend of Miss Description) and deflated in spirit as well as girth having now run out of treats, I retired to bed to consider how best to tackle peep about this small broken issue. Thinking back to the duvet incident, I had high hopes that peep would forgive me and see this as serendipity, an opportunity to have a new up to date lap-pot, or maybe even two! Before I knew it, I had drifted off into the land of cream, with forests of cheese sticks and fields of lovely mousse cows.

  I awoke to the sound of supper being prepared and so, much refreshed, I headed to my throne. On returning, I was much surprised to find that the renown gentlecat blogger, Nerissa, Connoisseur a La Nip and now Senate nominee (resident of the beautiful land of 3yr old Mature Canadian Cheddar) had read my blog and sent me a message of support! Well, we exchanged letters, and I happened to mention that my lap-pot had run out of paper. Now would you credit it, Nerissa said his lap-pot had never had any paper in it, at all, ever!

  It was about this time that peep came up to do the daily tweeting, and saw that things were out of sorts, what with the mug mat being out and page of the blog on the table. Now pleading ignorance didn't seem possible given the evidence, so I gave it my best "don't look at me, I'm just a cat without opposable thumbs" look, threw in a coy princess head tilt and a couple of headbutts and waited for peep to come to my rescue. Smiling, the peep filed the mug mat back in the little draw, and then picked up the blog. Glancing at me and then the draft on screen, the peep offered to proofread my new blog, just to check for spelling and grandma errors. Without further ado, he popped the paper INTO the box on my desk and hit the ENTER cum OUT key. Well, Tom's your father the paper was sucked into the box, whirring, squeaking and flashing and all, and then out it popped again (still whirring etc.) with my draft blog on it!

   Well, you can imagine my surprise, after all the worry all the stress the answer was sitting in my paws all along! Nerissa was right too, our lap-pot never did have any paper in it either, mind you with hindsight that would've been just silly, with that mug mat in there it would only have got all damp and dirty!

   Moving on a couple of days, you now find me nestled under the bed. I had just closed my eyes after a heady draft of excellent cream from the local Maison de Mademoiselle Creme, and dreaming of a Big MacFeast I'd planned the following day, when a small rectangular beast slid quickly and quietly in my direction, stopping neatly & menacingly no more than a mouses whisker from my own. Eeek! I thought, the Metric Mouses have come to get me!

  Now a surfeit of cream or cheese can do that to a girl. A surfeit of cream flavoured cheese (or indeed cheese flavoured cream) clearly had, I thought, jumping up just a little too quickly and banging my head, put me not only on-the-edge but many many leaps bounds & whiskers over it! Edge of what, I hear you say. Well, of that I'm not sure, but suffice to say it will have had an edge, for sure, maybe even two.

   It was the bang on the head from the bed slats that put paid to any further thoughts of edges or Creamland, and boy did it make my whiskers droop! Mama taught us kittens 'Composure under fire, Dignity after a fall". So, with that ringing in my sore head, I got out the old C&D and recovered with a quick lick of the paws, face and whiskers and said out loud "Now what's going on here then?"

   Close (but not too close) inspection showed it wasn't a Metric Mouse, but a rather neat box with carrying handle sticking out. The box was marked "As us" on the side, which made me think that there could be more of the same lurking somewhere about my bedroom! Whomsoever the "As us" were, they clearly weren't "As me" a sleek feline princess with honed hunting skills and whiskers like radar, no sir!

   Now I surmised if this "As us" was meant to attack me, it had clearly lost the opportunity for surprise. However, having heard of small peeps hiding in a horse to gain access to some foreign holiday resort, it struck me that whilst this box might not have peeps inside, it might have some clever "As us" or even mices trying to get in or under my bed!

   I clearly now I had the upper paw, and possibly the lower and even the middle paw (after all I do have four paws), so I did what any Princess would do to defend her honour and nap time, I attacked! Out came the claws and in went the paws and a solo game of carpet hockey ensued. It has to be said I played well, despite the weight of the 'As us', and I managed to bat it around the bed legs & under peeps chair for some minutes before the opportunity at goal (the doorway) arose. Lining up a shot, I let rip, and the box, 'As us' and all, sailed through the posts and onto the linoleum floor beyond that leads to the stairs. Clearly trying to make good their escape, the box headed, like the TV series, Due South, or in this instance Due Down, in a spiral staircase sort of direction faster than me after nip! Finding new impetus with every bounce, the box (with me in pursuit) flipped and cartwheeled down the smooth stone treads.

    To say it stopped isn't really true, it sort of disintegrated as it hit the ground floor. And with me landing on top there wasn't really much hope of it staying in one piece or further escape. We had sort of arrived together in a mass of cardboard, tissue paper and various sized pieces of plastic. Popping my head out from under a bit of tissue, I pawed my way through the debris and found no evidence of the 'As us' or indeed mice, but did find a small booklet advising how to 'Quick Start' apparently some sort of fright manual! Things in the debris started to come into focus and pulling at a piece of wire a small keyboard popped out from underneath some packaging. Suddenly it dawned on me Eeek....that plastic wasn't a mouse it was a baby lap-pot, a new baby lap-pot, peep's new baby lap-pot, for sure!

   The door to the lounge burst open, well actually the door exploded off its hinges and fell to the floor in pieces. Peep, all 6'6" & rippling muscles, stomped in towards me, raging red eyes, steam coming out of ears and flames out of the hands! Eeeeeeee is squealed, and closed my eyes and waited for my doom!

   There was a thud, I tensed, but then nothing. I slowly opened my eyes. The room about me was dark save for a small night light in the hall above the stairs. I looked around and realised I was still under the bed and evening had come. I could hear peep downstairs in the kitchen and the sound of supper being made. I was alive, there was no smell of fire or singe marks anywhere, and all was as I left it. A dream, I thought, all a horrible dream! Now there's only one cure for that, I said to myself, and that's supper and a nap, though I may just forgo the cheese mousse!

  Getting up to head for supper, I stretched and immediately bumped into something in the gloom. Closer inspection showed a small box with a handle sticking out, and the name on that box was 'Asus'......

The End.

Well that all worked out rather well, all things considered. Todays lesson from this clearly is that, whilst you can have your cream and eat it, sometimes the after effects are more than just a large waistline!

Tune in next week as we discover the strange case of:-
 Canaries, Pawprints, and Paint!

Till then, cheerio, and keep dusting!!


  1. Oh my! Here's to poppin fish! Thanks for joining the Thankful Thursday Blog Hop!h

    1. This seems to have been quite a turning point for young Erin, I don't think she ventures too much under the bed these days, well not after a bowl of cream!
      Mrs H.

  2. Glad it was just a dream. I have bad dreams when I eat green peppers.

    1. Oh my, I have never had that but cheese can play havoc with me, as with Erin. I find abstinence and a small sherry do the trick!
      Mrs H.